Why Spouses Blame Each Other

The women also said, “And when we burned incense to the queen of heaven and poured out drink offerings to her, did we make cakes for her, to worship her, and pour out drink offerings to her without our husbands’ permission?”
— Jeremiah 44:19-20 NKJV

After the Father had made all the rest of creation, He took out of Himself and created man in His own image and likeness and called His name “man,” (Heb. Adam), which most Bible versions translate as the proper name Adam. After Adam finished naming all the animals and had seen each of them paired as male and female, he looked around and he saw that there was no creature that was comparable to him. This awakened in him an internal desire for a friend and partner of the opposite sex. It was then that the Father put him into a deep sleep, took a “rib” from his side, and formed a woman. When Adam awoke, he looked and exclaimed, “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh,” and called her name, “woman.” Thus commenced the very first relationship between a man and a woman. Before sin entered into their lives, Adam and his wife, Eve, lived in the perfect harmony of “oneness.” They never saw themselves as two separate people, but as one. In fact, as stated in the genealogy, they were called “man,” or Adam. Both man and woman were free to roam the garden, steward it, and exercise dominion over it. The instruction that Adam received from the Father was not to partake of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I’m certain that he communicated this with his wife, Eve.

There came a time when Eve engaged in a conversation with a voice unfamiliar to her and her husband, a voice different from that of the Father. Engaging with the voice of the deceiver got the better of Eve’s curiosity, and she opened the door to entertain what the serpent had told her. The Bible gives no timeline of how much or how long Eve communicated with the serpent, but to believe or assume that the enemy simply came and tempted Eve once and led her to sin is a limited view. Before you will do something somebody else tells you to do, especially if it is questionable, you first have to know the person well enough to develop a relationship of trust. Eve partook of that fruit of deception only after having a prolonged conversation with the serpent, perhaps over many days, during which she started to believe what he was saying.

After she partook of that fruit, she immediately gave it to her husband, who neither turned it away nor corrected her, but also partook of the fruit of deception. This suggests that Adam also had been entertaining the conversation of the serpent through his wife, Eve, who was being influenced by a voice other than the Father’s. By allowing this to happen, Adam essentially gave his wife permission to make a decision that was totally opposed to what the Father had said. The deception is that they believed they could trust this other voice because it sounded so truthful. Little did they know the magnitude of the impact their decision would bring upon them, which, in turn, impacted the entire universe. After they had sinned, they hid from the Father. When He found them, Adam blamed his wife for misleading him into sin. This was the first time in the scriptures where we see a division in the relationship between man and woman. Adam complained, “This woman that you gave me…” He now saw her as one separate from him.

This same separation is all too present in our own time, where we see this great divide in marital relationships. Men blame women for things gone wrong, and women blame men. Separation and divorce have always plagued humanity, dealing a devastating blow to families, which, in turn, makes society dysfunctional. While many try to figure out roles and responsibilities within a marriage, one of the greatest voids is failing to understand our “identity” in the Father. As we take the necessary steps to know who we are in Him, we start to reflect His image and likeness. Our hearts bend to our maker with reverence, knowing that the Father has an amazing love for us. The more we start to express Him, the more we start to establish an order of godliness within our relationships. In the first man, Adam, Eve came out of her husband, but in the last man Adam, who is Christ, the bride went back into Him. Remember, He is the head and we are the body! If we have His mind in us, then we function by being led by Him.